Entering the college gate, I looked at d time,” half an hour to go for class.” I headed directly to chaupal and found my favorite spot empty, smiling I sat down. I looked around and saw animated faces, chattering and smiling. “I’m gonna miss this place the most! God! Last year in college!” I mused. A single tear came to my eye. Embarrassed, I glanced around to check if anyone had noticed me but instead I was transported back in time, flashback as it is in the movies!
I saw my treasured possessions sitting at the same spot as always, lost in deep conversation about life, discussing philosophies and listing intently as we poured our thoughts out. With a blink of an eye, we were now running around, laughing out loud, mocking each other and making silly faces! Those memories of endless talks about life, love, future and friends came all rushing back. The times when we leaned on each other for support and strength, times when we talked through silence, times when we giggled at our silly mischief were all in front of my eyes…as if it all just happened yesterday!
I wiped the tears which were now flowing lucidly from my eyes. Sighing, I got up ”time for class”. Walking down the crowded corridor I was startled by a shrill voice “Sherry!” Startled, I looked around and saw Nudi, Shotgun and Dodo running towards me with armed wide open! I crushed then into a hug and growled “why didn’t you guys reply my message?” “No balance!” they said in union and we all busted out laughing! ”oh by the way” said Nudi, “Shona Di called, said she is missing us dearly...specially our heart-to-heart talks…” I smiled to myself...and so begun a new entry in my diary of memories.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
It's better to burn out, than to fade away!
Kurt Cobain. Oh! what a loss! Such great music, splendid success and a tragic end. It’s all so sad!
These are the last words of the legend himself. There has been horrid speculation after the cause of his death. Its been said that his wife, Courtney Love had him murdered and the note is not a suicide note. Cobain never mentions his own death. But even if this is not his suicide note…his words have left its mark…
"To Boddah,
Speakings from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things, for example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, whoseemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much betterappreciation of all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU! "
Make of it what you wish.
These are the last words of the legend himself. There has been horrid speculation after the cause of his death. Its been said that his wife, Courtney Love had him murdered and the note is not a suicide note. Cobain never mentions his own death. But even if this is not his suicide note…his words have left its mark…
"To Boddah,
Speakings from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things, for example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, whoseemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much betterappreciation of all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU! "
Make of it what you wish.
Friday, June 20, 2008
MASKS!
I look around and see faces, faces and faces,
Everyone telling me a different story like many different pages,
Some excited, some happy, some sad,
Some weird, some strange, some completely mad!
Faces u recognize, some u don’t,
U think u know them, but u really won’t,
Locked in cages, they never let u know who they are,
If u look deep inside there eyes, they are very distant, very far
Everyone telling me a different story like many different pages,
Some excited, some happy, some sad,
Some weird, some strange, some completely mad!
Faces u recognize, some u don’t,
U think u know them, but u really won’t,
Locked in cages, they never let u know who they are,
If u look deep inside there eyes, they are very distant, very far
Hiding in shadows, living in self made cages,
They have lost all feeling they are mare faces,
Just moving forward they live life tasks by tasks
NO, they are not humans, they are flesh made masks.
[[ Dearest shona di!
This 1z specially for you!...ur fav poem from my world of imagination!
How much im going to miss u when ull b away is beyond my ability to put in the threshold of words. It’s something which I can not explain but I am pretty much sure u know how i fell coz I know, u must b feeling the same. Our endless times of craziness, foolish nothings, laughing out loud for no reason whatsoever, making fun of all the wannabes… and making fun of each other!...times that make us…'US!'...and all the deepest insights, thoughts, feeling, expressions and inspirations!...u have always been so special to me! U have guided me, supported me, corrected me...u have been a patient listener of all that I have to say, u become a child when I feel like playing, u have been the light which guides me through the darkest of times ...u are my inspiration!...and u mean a lot to me!
I will always b there...walking along with you!
Love ya! ]]
Friday, June 13, 2008
Tales of the lunatic soul: I find solace in darkness…
I…
I sit curled in the corner of this room. I’ve buried my face in my hands and shut my eyes so tight that they hurt. I find solace in darkness…
There are bars on one side of this tiny room. I feel like I am being watched. I part my fingers and open my left eye. Though I can see no one, I can still feel a strong gaze on myself. Shuddering, I close my eye again and cover up with my fingers.
There is light in this room. I can feel it even with my eyes shut. It comes from the room beyond the bars. There are other people in that room too. I can hear them talking. Ah! I don’t like the sound of humans talking! Why do they have to be so loud and pretend to be so cheerful? I don’t like being with them either, they are fake and they live in the light. I find solace in the darkness.
Occasionally someone comes and stands on the other side of the bars. They give me a fright! I shut my eyes even tighter and further squeeze myself into the corner. Sometimes, they just stare and go away. Sometimes, they laugh at me. I abhor humans when they laugh! I cover my ears with my hands…but the light…the light shines upon my eyes…oh! I hate the light!
The people outside these bars often talk about me, in hushed voices. They think I can’t hear them but I listen to it all too well. They say “it’s a tough case”...”treatment isn’t working!”…”no improvement”…once someone said that I might even die without being cured. I wonder what the trouble with me is…is it that I hate humans because they are more like chameleons, changing colors only too often...or is it that I cant stand the light because its bright...blinding…and overpowering!...it conceals the truth...it conceals the darkness...if that is it, I don’t want a cure!...i hate the humans…and I hate the light…i find solace in darkness…
I sit curled in the corner of this room. I’ve buried my face in my hands and shut my eyes so tight that they hurt. I find solace in darkness…
There are bars on one side of this tiny room. I feel like I am being watched. I part my fingers and open my left eye. Though I can see no one, I can still feel a strong gaze on myself. Shuddering, I close my eye again and cover up with my fingers.
There is light in this room. I can feel it even with my eyes shut. It comes from the room beyond the bars. There are other people in that room too. I can hear them talking. Ah! I don’t like the sound of humans talking! Why do they have to be so loud and pretend to be so cheerful? I don’t like being with them either, they are fake and they live in the light. I find solace in the darkness.
Occasionally someone comes and stands on the other side of the bars. They give me a fright! I shut my eyes even tighter and further squeeze myself into the corner. Sometimes, they just stare and go away. Sometimes, they laugh at me. I abhor humans when they laugh! I cover my ears with my hands…but the light…the light shines upon my eyes…oh! I hate the light!
The people outside these bars often talk about me, in hushed voices. They think I can’t hear them but I listen to it all too well. They say “it’s a tough case”...”treatment isn’t working!”…”no improvement”…once someone said that I might even die without being cured. I wonder what the trouble with me is…is it that I hate humans because they are more like chameleons, changing colors only too often...or is it that I cant stand the light because its bright...blinding…and overpowering!...it conceals the truth...it conceals the darkness...if that is it, I don’t want a cure!...i hate the humans…and I hate the light…i find solace in darkness…
Thursday, May 8, 2008
You are always on my mind…
I think about you…yes I do…your thoughts are always on my mind…when I am all alone…doing nothing...I think about you...and I find u so close that I can smell your scent…I close my eyes and you come next to me...we talk…for hours and hours...you always bring a smile to my lips...all my worries fade away…and life is beautiful again…I think about you…often…when I am busy…doing a thousand things…tensed, stresses, worked out…your presence in my thoughts sooth me...i feel relaxed...and I am myself again…your thoughts keep me company in those lonely nights when sleep betrays me…I dream of times when we will be together…you make me blush...and I shy away!...I am here without you...and I know you are somewhere without me too…but we will meet...we will meet soon…and when you will come and hold my hand…I will know that its always been you whom I have dreamt about…we will meet soon...yes we will…for its you, whose always on my mind!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Thoughts of my dented mind...
In the deepest hours of the night...when all living beings slumber in to pits of soothing sleep…this lunatic soul blinks, stares and stays awake…twisting n twirling trapped in the webs of dense thoughts...thoughts...thoughts running wild in the dented mind…will this thounderous storm ever come to a halt…will the burning fury be dampened by the waves of sanity...will this distructive hurricane find its ultimate destination...or will these stinging wounds ever cure...thoughts…wild...untamed thoughts…thoughts of my dented mind…
Thursday, May 1, 2008
“A NU side of life!”
On those rare occasions whn i sit n ponder ova my life..i find myself lucky to hav some spl ppl wid me..its amazing when a person can kno u inside out..can talk ur heart out widout sayin a word..."soulmates" as well call each other..v mean it everyway!..our crazyness neva stops..n so does our huge discussions on widespread topics…from life, love to ..ahem ahem!!...love ya nudi!!
“A NU side of life!”
Dearest Anu,
You are a wonder in true sense,
A firework of feelings true and dense,
Most practical person I’ve ever met,
The purest soul I’ve seen yet!
What I see in you,
Is something very new,
So pure like drops of dew,
So different like pink in purple hue!
When I see you laugh, I see you smile,
You seem so cute so fragile,
When I feel your heart, I hear your talks,
I see the real beauty of your thoughts!
You are an open book, nothing to cover,
Yet every time I see you, there is something new to discover,
Sometimes a cotton ball, sometimes a rose petal,
Sometimes a naughty child, sometimes a steaming kettle!
A hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on,
Our talks never ending, from morning to dawn,
I used to dream of having someone like you,
Dearest Anu,
You are a wonder in true sense,
A firework of feelings true and dense,
Most practical person I’ve ever met,
The purest soul I’ve seen yet!
What I see in you,
Is something very new,
So pure like drops of dew,
So different like pink in purple hue!
When I see you laugh, I see you smile,
You seem so cute so fragile,
When I feel your heart, I hear your talks,
I see the real beauty of your thoughts!
You are an open book, nothing to cover,
Yet every time I see you, there is something new to discover,
Sometimes a cotton ball, sometimes a rose petal,
Sometimes a naughty child, sometimes a steaming kettle!
A hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on,
Our talks never ending, from morning to dawn,
I used to dream of having someone like you,
Now I know dreams do come true!
Love always...
Love always...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
finally over wid finals!!
ooohhhhhh fiinnaallyyyyy!!!! what a relieffff!!..finals over!!!..man m soo happy..just don remind me how my xams went m n all haayypee!!!!..its not d xams dat i fear...its d results!!
so finally ill post some stuff..this bloggin things isnt really my kinda thing..bt change is wah i live for..so me tryin my hand at it!..okie so a brief intro..me a collg student((as u may hav guessed till now!))..kinda crazy...i hav my own crazy ways..like i like wearin spegs on top insted underneath..well its my speg i wear it d way i like it..n ho! love wearin baggy cloths..fashn dsnt really mattr to me..i create my own rules..n break em too!! ;)! ..bein a leo..m L A Z Y ! ! !...yup!!..got a bad temper!..xtremest!..try to b honest! ((well.."try"!!))..umm...love music like anything!..i can hrdly sit thru my classes widout my ipod! :D ..get kicked out of d class too!!..i make crazy faces..i LOVE acting!!((khi khi khi))..oooOOOooo..crazy abt ads!..yup..love em!...gosh! cant beliv i typed dat much!..man! me tierd now!..phhew!!..
c ya around!!
so finally ill post some stuff..this bloggin things isnt really my kinda thing..bt change is wah i live for..so me tryin my hand at it!..okie so a brief intro..me a collg student((as u may hav guessed till now!))..kinda crazy...i hav my own crazy ways..like i like wearin spegs on top insted underneath..well its my speg i wear it d way i like it..n ho! love wearin baggy cloths..fashn dsnt really mattr to me..i create my own rules..n break em too!! ;)! ..bein a leo..m L A Z Y ! ! !...yup!!..got a bad temper!..xtremest!..try to b honest! ((well.."try"!!))..umm...love music like anything!..i can hrdly sit thru my classes widout my ipod! :D ..get kicked out of d class too!!..i make crazy faces..i LOVE acting!!((khi khi khi))..oooOOOooo..crazy abt ads!..yup..love em!...gosh! cant beliv i typed dat much!..man! me tierd now!..phhew!!..
c ya around!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)