On spirituality and overcoming fears

Off late, spirituality has found a way in my life. And for me, it’s an inward journey more than anything else. It started with asking myself questions and digging deep within to find the answers.

Though this journey is not as difficult as it sounds, it does take time and energy to accept your flaws in the first place, and then begin the digging. But yes, first step is always the most difficult.

Thanks to this journey and all this self digging, I’ve been actively trying to find answers to my biggest fears. I am insanely scared of height. And water.

I have no idea where these fears come from. And I don’t know how to let them go. The only thing I know is that I won’t simply accept and ‘live’ with these fears. I want to overcome them. Primarily, because they don’t make any sense, and also because they are an unnecessary hurdle to a world of adventures waiting for me.

And just as sneakily I inched my way towards the world of spiritually, I sneakily inched towards overcoming these fears. But not without the help of some beautiful individuals.

A couple of days ago, I chanced upon Breakfree Journey’s weekend plans of watching the Germinid Meteor Shower at a tucked away village called Jawhar. An exciting itinerary – including exploring lakes, a fort, a secret waterfall and interacting with the locals, made things even more interesting. So my bestie and I were all up and ready. The meteor shower experience deserves a whole post to itself but what was really unexpected was the adventure at the waterfall.

We were told beforehand that it will not be an easy ride. And had I known how bumpy it would be, I would have thought not twice but 200 times before going ahead. Steep descent, loose pebbles and this overpowering phobia, made things so bad for me that I was shivering with fear all throughout. I really was shitting bricks, and to be honest, I almost gave up. Almost.

But I didn’t. And yes, I did have help. Thank you, Rushikesh. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Really, thanks a bunch.


~s

The unsettling feeling

There is so much bubbling inside me that it gets hard to put it down in a proper coherent manner.

Most of the times I think my troubles come from the fact that my head is constantly whirling. Thoughts never leave me and now they have crept in to my sleep as well. I cannot remember the last time I slept at a decent hour and did not wake up thinking.

This mediocrity of life is driving me crazy. It’s better to lose oneself in oblivion of all that life has to offer. Live life in a routine, do nothing out of the ordinary. Earn money. Spend money. Sleep, repeat.

Thanks to all this free time that I have had and some peculiar people that I happened to cross paths with, my bubble has been broken. My silly expectations from life have resurrected.

This is not who I want to be. This is not what I want to do. This banal existence and dumbness of senses is eroding me from inside.

I have been conditioned so perfectly that I know this is what I ought to do. The brain once again takes over the mind. And the questions have left unanswered, shoved under the carpet.

~S

Pensive thoughts

"The world is full of chaos and the only mistake we make is get too attached to it."

 ~Yours truly.

Excerpt from my diary.

...the time of obvious understanding that your people were still your world.

It sucks to be stuck in the vicious cycle of nothing and everything. Where the fine line between the right and the wrong gets stepped upon so much, that one fine day, it conveniently disappears. And you don't even notice. Days filled with a constant chase to meet the ends meet. All in vain, of course. Nights of dreamless sleep and dreams on sleepless nights.

No, it's not as bad as I make it sound. It sure can be better. But isn't that the story of our lives?

_

All in a day's work

The usual hustle-bustle consumes the office while I dedicatedly stare at the screen. The words will come. Only it seems a tad harder today. (And I claim to be a writer)

Blossoming laughter hits my face, urging me to pluck my eyes off the screen. Must. Not. Get. Distracted.

Someone is trying to strum a tune. No, don't rape it please. It is one of my favorites, y'know.

The chatter reaches a crescendo. And then the girl dressed in formals barks a loud Shuush. What follows is a lull. And then a flood of hysterical laughter.

Yes. Advertising agencies are no less than mental asylums.

Void

Just when you turned away,
And the stabbing pain caught my breath,
I realized it was never meant to be.

Blink

At first,
the world goes into a frenzy.
Senses experience a chaos.
The hand doesn't know what the foot is up to.
Like your mind is on a trip.

Then the realization hits.
And slowly, brutally
everything slows down.
Time drags
and it brings along
misery, hurt, betrayal.

You shut your eyes,
only to be awakened - inside.
No, its too easy to smile.
And easy is the toughest part.

This.
Yes, this is the end.

That moment when you step back and ask

Why is it that childhood was so sweet,
summer so bright,
and grass so green.

When was it that childhood was taken over by a mad rush to grow up.
And a mad rush to be what you dream to be.
And then when you walk along the path towards your dream, suddenly you crave for the careless times, eating mangoes in the summer, wearing nothing but a tattered dress.

Why, is it that in this mad race do we forget to actually LIVE, as it were. Those moments of pure bliss are rare, if they occur at all that is. And the smile fades away and frowns take over almost as if the smile is an evil notion.

It’s a crime, they say, to stop. One must constantly work and run and sweat. But then, when to recover? When to heal? Is ignorance truly the need of the hour? Or rather the need of an entire lifetime?

I'd someday like to meet the one who spreads such philosophies. And over a warm cuppa tea, ask him when was it that he formed the ideas that rule our minds today. For I believe (or so it seems logical) it really can’t be when he lived in ignorance.