On spirituality and overcoming fears

Off late, spirituality has found a way in my life. And for me, it’s an inward journey more than anything else. It started with asking myself questions and digging deep within to find the answers.

Though this journey is not as difficult as it sounds, it does take time and energy to accept your flaws in the first place, and then begin the digging. But yes, first step is always the most difficult.

Thanks to this journey and all this self digging, I’ve been actively trying to find answers to my biggest fears. I am insanely scared of height. And water.

I have no idea where these fears come from. And I don’t know how to let them go. The only thing I know is that I won’t simply accept and ‘live’ with these fears. I want to overcome them. Primarily, because they don’t make any sense, and also because they are an unnecessary hurdle to a world of adventures waiting for me.

And just as sneakily I inched my way towards the world of spiritually, I sneakily inched towards overcoming these fears. But not without the help of some beautiful individuals.

A couple of days ago, I chanced upon Breakfree Journey’s weekend plans of watching the Germinid Meteor Shower at a tucked away village called Jawhar. An exciting itinerary – including exploring lakes, a fort, a secret waterfall and interacting with the locals, made things even more interesting. So my bestie and I were all up and ready. The meteor shower experience deserves a whole post to itself but what was really unexpected was the adventure at the waterfall.

We were told beforehand that it will not be an easy ride. And had I known how bumpy it would be, I would have thought not twice but 200 times before going ahead. Steep descent, loose pebbles and this overpowering phobia, made things so bad for me that I was shivering with fear all throughout. I really was shitting bricks, and to be honest, I almost gave up. Almost.

But I didn’t. And yes, I did have help. Thank you, Rushikesh. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Really, thanks a bunch.


~s

The unsettling feeling

There is so much bubbling inside me that it gets hard to put it down in a proper coherent manner.

Most of the times I think my troubles come from the fact that my head is constantly whirling. Thoughts never leave me and now they have crept in to my sleep as well. I cannot remember the last time I slept at a decent hour and did not wake up thinking.

This mediocrity of life is driving me crazy. It’s better to lose oneself in oblivion of all that life has to offer. Live life in a routine, do nothing out of the ordinary. Earn money. Spend money. Sleep, repeat.

Thanks to all this free time that I have had and some peculiar people that I happened to cross paths with, my bubble has been broken. My silly expectations from life have resurrected.

This is not who I want to be. This is not what I want to do. This banal existence and dumbness of senses is eroding me from inside.

I have been conditioned so perfectly that I know this is what I ought to do. The brain once again takes over the mind. And the questions have left unanswered, shoved under the carpet.

~S

Pensive thoughts

"The world is full of chaos and the only mistake we make is get too attached to it."

 ~Yours truly.

The 90's kid

Today has been one of those random days which started with me tripping on this.

And what followed was complete mayhem. I indulged into a full-on trashy 90s music spree until I was showered with swear words and cold stares. Well, that really didn't stop me considering I played this song on loop and my boss called the IT department so that they can take away my speakers.

Anyways, what I realized today is that no matter how much we call the 90's music trashy, IT WAS RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME!

I mean, come on, imagine not giggle-grooving to Baby got back ! or Ice Ice Baby.

Lets not get into this cuz I can tell you a billion 90's songs that I absolutely adore.

Till then, I'm Gettin' Jiggy Wit It!

Untitled

A fine summer day,
to hold your hand and walk the beach.
To lose ourself
in easy conversions and comfortable silences.


A fine summer day,
to be by myself.
And
remember you.

...

"No, there is no such thing as love. Just attachment. And sometimes lust"

Embrace

Let's rediscover the world we lost,
of fairies, magic portions and sparkling lights,
where you were by my side
with a bottle of wine and a blanket of sweet oblivion.

The times of hopeless reveries
of stars gracing the days
and sunshine lighting up the night sky.

Where you slay the demons,
the ones hiding beneath my bed
and the ones troubling my thoughts.

Just for a fraction,
let's rediscover the world we lost,
of fairies, magic portions and sparkling lights,
As you and I let loose in an embrace
of the final goodbye.

Excerpt from my diary.

...the time of obvious understanding that your people were still your world.

It sucks to be stuck in the vicious cycle of nothing and everything. Where the fine line between the right and the wrong gets stepped upon so much, that one fine day, it conveniently disappears. And you don't even notice. Days filled with a constant chase to meet the ends meet. All in vain, of course. Nights of dreamless sleep and dreams on sleepless nights.

No, it's not as bad as I make it sound. It sure can be better. But isn't that the story of our lives?

_

#55wordstory

If you are on twitter and you don't know what #55wordstoy is, you sir are a waste! =P Heh. But seriously, I love this project.
Here are the two stories I have contributed so far.

Theme 4 - Glass

Funny, how the oblivion leads you to believe in the illusion of perfection. One moment you are in the ecstasy of surreal love and then, life happens. One cut is all it takes. To forget. To hurt. To let loose. Pain induces pleasure. It’s time to let the second wine glass shatter on the floor.



Theme 20 - Bottle

There it was, right in front of her very eyes. She stared. A lone tear glided over her flushed cheek. “Danger” it read on the label. As if she hadn’t played with some before. But this time, she really had had enough. Yes, for that moment, her life was miniscule compared to that tiny bottle.

_____________

Yes, I know. I will try and write more.

Also, little miss emo?

_

All in a day's work

The usual hustle-bustle consumes the office while I dedicatedly stare at the screen. The words will come. Only it seems a tad harder today. (And I claim to be a writer)

Blossoming laughter hits my face, urging me to pluck my eyes off the screen. Must. Not. Get. Distracted.

Someone is trying to strum a tune. No, don't rape it please. It is one of my favorites, y'know.

The chatter reaches a crescendo. And then the girl dressed in formals barks a loud Shuush. What follows is a lull. And then a flood of hysterical laughter.

Yes. Advertising agencies are no less than mental asylums.

Your deranged Valentine

Tonight,
Let your eyes bleed for me
Let the memories feed on your insides
One stab at a time

Tonight,
Count your labored breaths,
slathered with the stains of reality
as the claws of solitude
snatch away the comforting disguise
of your blatant oblivion

Tonight,
My relentless love,
Let out your soul
Crave me, hate me,
and ever so slowly - kill me.

Aftermath

She blinked open her eyes. The brilliant wash of sunlight hit her face. Only this time around, it mocked the darkness that was booming inside her.

She shut her eyes again and let out a deep sigh. Was that the piercing sound of uncertainty that enveloped her? Or the blatant silence of those false words that now made her bleed from the inside?

She bit her lip and let go a sniffle. Was it really so unholy to give in to temptation?


_

Void

Just when you turned away,
And the stabbing pain caught my breath,
I realized it was never meant to be.

Blink

At first,
the world goes into a frenzy.
Senses experience a chaos.
The hand doesn't know what the foot is up to.
Like your mind is on a trip.

Then the realization hits.
And slowly, brutally
everything slows down.
Time drags
and it brings along
misery, hurt, betrayal.

You shut your eyes,
only to be awakened - inside.
No, its too easy to smile.
And easy is the toughest part.

This.
Yes, this is the end.

That moment when you step back and ask

Why is it that childhood was so sweet,
summer so bright,
and grass so green.

When was it that childhood was taken over by a mad rush to grow up.
And a mad rush to be what you dream to be.
And then when you walk along the path towards your dream, suddenly you crave for the careless times, eating mangoes in the summer, wearing nothing but a tattered dress.

Why, is it that in this mad race do we forget to actually LIVE, as it were. Those moments of pure bliss are rare, if they occur at all that is. And the smile fades away and frowns take over almost as if the smile is an evil notion.

It’s a crime, they say, to stop. One must constantly work and run and sweat. But then, when to recover? When to heal? Is ignorance truly the need of the hour? Or rather the need of an entire lifetime?

I'd someday like to meet the one who spreads such philosophies. And over a warm cuppa tea, ask him when was it that he formed the ideas that rule our minds today. For I believe (or so it seems logical) it really can’t be when he lived in ignorance.

Haiku

Falter a man may

The journey of thorns and flowers

Unfolds a message

Humm

Beating drums,

Splashing water,

Fluid thats red.

Blank white paper,

Untuned guitar,

Purr of a cat,

Unsuspecting sigh,

Door slammed close 

Loud. Very loud.

Elevator

Dark night

Unconnected headphones

Closet locked

A stare, a start,

A falling teardrop

Silent. Very silent

Hurricane

Racing car

Trip down the memory lane

Voices

Voices of past

Voices unknown

"Don't waste your time on me

Your already the voice inside my head"

...

I have been meaning to update these pages but I have been a little lost these days. Its hard to find your center what your anchor itself is floating. Its quite overwhelming, the events that have been unfolding. I wonder where it will all lead to.

I feel like a mere spectator of my own life.

Walk Along

Fire & flames,

Chimes & choir,

All things good,

All things bad,

Walk along

Times that were,

Walk along,

Times that are,

Walk along

A distant echo,

A shy smile,

A stiffened giggle,

An angry rant,

Walk along

Times that were,

Walk along,

Times that are,

Walk along

A soothing voice, ruffled hair,

Moments of fiery passion,

The sheets tell a story,

A story untold,

Walk along

The demon of a mind that is

A bully, a mirror,

A book in the writing.

The pages that never fly away,

Till its time has come,

To be swept away in waves,

Buried down under,

Or burned in the holy fire

Times that were,

Times that are,

Always walk along

Illusion Airlines

Welcome to flight number 603,
your trip will begin from reality to la la land.

This flight will be piloted by Imagination and co-piloted by Confusion.

You will be shortly served by
imaginary creatures, rapists, thugs,
naked ladies, aliens or anything else you desire.

You can also conveniently choose your location
from among cliffs, aquamarine, space, barren lands,
shady corners, playboy mansion
or many such attractive locations
mentioned in our catalog.

The calculated time of your journey
will be shortly told to you once you have been served.

Some passengers may experience turbulence during the journey,
we suggest you to take necessary precautions beforehand.

We wish you have a pleasant and euphoric flight,
and you reach your destination fully satisfied.
Thank you for choosing us,
we are glad to partner with you tonight.